Deeply Rooted

I recently wrote an article about things that keep us from going deeper in our relationships, (Friendship blockers), so I think it's only natural that we discuss what makes existing relationships blossom  into lifelong connections, (Or friendship builders)

The relationships that we have now and will have in the future all will have a certain depth to them. Close relationships are like live oaks and accquaintences are more like water oaks. This is the part where you say, "Stephen will you please tell us the difference between the two?". Of course I will.

Deep, lasting relationships. They're kind of like a fully grown live oak tree. Live oaks can live for hundreds of years. Part of the reason they live so long is that for all of the mass of their trunk you can see, there is an equal amount of roots underground that supports and sustains the tree generation after generation. The deep root system soaks up an enormous amount of moisture that's needed to sustain all of it's giant limbs, branches, and leaves. This root system also keeps the tree from toppling over in high winds.

This is similar to our inner circle of friends. Our inner circle, or "pit crew" as I call it, will to a large degree affect how well we thrive. The better the support system the better it's ability to sustain us through all of life's turbulent times.

Too often our friendships are like the water oak trees. Although they both come from the same family, water oaks and live oaks are very different. Water oaks typically don't make it past 100 years old. This is a short lifespan in the realm of oaks. The reason for the shorter lifespan is simple, water oaks take on water that rests in the trunk which in turn causes the tree to rot from the inside out. What looked like a beautiful tree was actually dying on the inside for years before finally causing the death and collapse of the entire tree.

So in our relationships what are those things that differentiate our inner circle of true friendships from the short lived ones? What are the qualities that will make our relationships like the Live Oak?

1. Loyalty
Loyalty is something that is proven over time and cannot be forced. Real friends stick up for each other to the end. When their friend is in a pickle they've always got their back. (This is turning into a country song).

2. Laughter
Every one of my close friends have this in common, they could each recall a different story where we were crying from laughing so hard at something. As we build a portfolio of memories together, we begin to see the hilarity of everyday occurences.

3. Listening
At any time, my 'bros' that I would consider part of my inner circle could be called up if I needed them and would lend a listening ear. Ever have one of those friends who unload all of their problems on you while you patiently listen but the moment you have something to share with them they want to end the conversation? Yeah, don't be 'that guy'.

4. Looks
(Sorry, I needed a word that started with 'L"). What I'm referring to is that close friends know how to decipher each others many looks and mannerisms. They know the 'real' (insert your name). We all have a 'public me' and a 'private me'. There's nothing wrong with that. Even Jesus had a few disciples that He let see the more personal side of Himself on occasion. In a public setting I may say, "Wow Mrs. Smith this pie sure is like nothing I've tasted before" and based on how I said it my inner crew know that in my head I'm thinking, "That's the nastiest thing I've ever eaten in my life. I think I might vomit." Close friends know what each other is probably thinking.

5. Leaning
This is a bit different than mere listening. The idea here is that real friends lean on each other when life throws a curveball their way. It's not just about listening to problems and offering up advice. Sometimes when people hurt you just need to be there even if there are no words that can fix or soothe.True friends are there when needed. Acquaintenances are not. True friends will sacrifice their own happiness if needed to help out a true friend. They don't find excuses, they find a way.

Even though it's hard to find friends who actually do all these things, that doesn't have to stop you from offering that kind of friendship to those you come into contact with. There will always be people beaten down by life who need a good samaritan to show them what it's like to be treated with love, dignity, and respect. That's the guy I want to be.