The Hidden Reward

"You prepare a feast before me in the presence of my enemies..." -Ps.23:5

One of the most difficult challenges Jesus left with us was to love our enemies and to do good to those who use us and treat us badly. Let's face it when someone does us dirty the last thing we want to hear is that we should start praying for them and even bless them! This goes against all that is within us naturally.

The heart of His command is that anyone can forgive and pray for another but it takes a power from somewhere else outside of us to truly love an enemy. That's the mystery of God's grace. It doesn't make sense, it's undeserved, and it breaks through calloused hearts.

Now what if even though learning to love them takes time I told you I could make that task extremely beneficial, maybe even easy? What if I could help you make your enemies a tool in your hand to catapult you light years in your spiritual, mental, and emotional maturity?

Let me give you three ways you can turn your enemies into your own personal growth catalysts. After you read this you may wanna throw a party and celebrate the presence of your enemies in your life. You may even want to call them and beg them to come over for dinner. Not kidding! (Ok maybe a little).

1. Enemies can reveal your areas of weakness.

So right now your thinking, "Um, yeah everyone knows that-why would this be a good thing"? It's a good thing because in order for you to move forward or grow you're going to need to improve in your areas of weakness. You can't sweep them under the rug forever.

Here's the problem with that, you often never see yourself clearly enough to know all of your own weaknesses. Even though the Bible will tell you about your flaws it's still possible to read it with a biased self-vindicating lens.

If your thinking your friends will tell you what you need to work on-no they won't! They don't want to hurt your feelings especially to comment on issues of character. No one wants to comment on your issues for fear that someone might point out theirs. (Not to mention it's not their job!) We all are stronger in some areas and weak in others.

This is where your enemies come in handy. They will show you exactly what to work on. They have no problem telling you about those ugly areas no one (Even you) wants to address because they have no interest about how it makes you feel. That's what separates friend from foe. So even if they obviously have issues about how they should treat people, it gives us the opportunity to mine the gold from the situation.

Now obviously every accusation and complaint that's thrown your way is not automatically true. But behind every complaint could be an issue that needs work. There's a chance that addressing that flaw in yourself might turn you into a much more beautiful person. It could make you a better manager, employee, or Christian. Don't automatically discredit everything they say because you could be throwing away a huge opportunity to strengthen yourself! You might be throwing out a hidden reward!

We have to remember that anytime you want to grow or change for the better there must be an honest assessment of what is. Enemies will give you that!

2. Enemies bring out what is truly on the inside.

One time an acquaintance of an enemy of mine came to tell me that my enemy was going to do all of these awful things to get at me. I knew he wasn't joking too. I was dealing with some really shady people. Now I had so much dirt on this guy that I could have seriously sank his ship a long time before that instant. But somewhere in the middle of the 'battle' I realized something about myself. I never wanted to! Even after all of the terrible things he said and did and would likely do again I had no realistic intentions of harming him or his reputation. I told his messenger I didn't care what he was going to do because I was not going to allow it to turn me into someone I'm not! That enemy gave me something I couldn't have gotten anywhere else-the knowledge of how I would treat someone that truly sought to hurt me. He allowed me to catch a glimpse of what's really on the inside.

By the way, my enemy did do all of those awful things he threatened to do and I kept my word. Sometimes when people throw their worst at you they are actually helping you by giving you a chance to really test your faith. What would you do if someone threatened to try and ruin your reputation? Would you try to ruin theirs first or counter attack? Would you say, "Father, forgive them"?

Until your enemies or other trying situations test you, everything you believe you would do is nothing more than pure speculation. I meet people all the time that brag about all of these amazing things they would do and all the things they are going to do when things get tough. Then when things 'hit the fan' they cower. You don't know what you are going to do until you are faced with a situation.

When you get backed into a corner with no way out, that's when you get to see what you are truly made of. On 9/11 The world got to hear amazing acts of everyday employees, firefighters, and citizens that proved their true heart and beliefs because there was an enemy that created a chaos so great it tried many people to their cores. It revealed they were superheroes. As painful as the process might be, enemies have the ability to draw out the contents of our hearts!

3. Enemies can provide the fuel necessary for higher levels of success.

Can you think of a time when you were young that someone said or did something to you that was very hurtful? I'll bet you can. Think about it, you lived for hundreds and thousands of other days that were forgotten about and lost from memory. Why do you retain that memory? You remember it because of how it made you feel. The voices of our enemies stick in our heads whether we like them or not. It's kind of like a recorder that constantly replays itself. Sound depressing? It's not when you come to the realization that the voices of our enemies in our heads can drive us to succeed!

I can fill a book with some of the bad things people said to me and about me growing up. I used to carry it around with me everywhere I went like a weighted duffle bag. My luggage affected how I felt about life, myself, and others. Luckily, somewhere along the way in college it finally dawned on me that maybe it wasn't me that had the problem. Maybe it was true that only hurting people hurt people. From that point forward I decided that every time those negative comments and hurtful things replayed in my head I would allow them to play so that I could use them as fuel to achieve way more than they said I ever would. I would hear their voices saying, "You're not smart enough to graduate college and you'll never be able to afford that!". "You'll never live in a nice home or drive a new car because that cost a lot of money which you aren't going to make." I did all of those things by the time I was in my mid twenties and some out of pure spite just to say to them, "Watch me".

Some victories I experienced later in life were WAY out of my comfort zone but I attempted them simply because someone told me that I couldn't.  I would not have had the motivation to try without the fuel of my naysayers pushing me to prove myself. I can thank my enemies for raising the bar of my expectations. I can thank God for showing me that I am not subject to the opinions of others.

Besides the fact that enemies can give us fuel for higher levels of success there is something even more exciting than that they can provide for us. They create scenarios which evoke a response from God. You see God avenges those who do not avenge themselves. If you want to see God act then don't react to your enemies. Allow God to fulfill His job description, "Vengeance is mine thus saith the Lord".

If people at your work or in your family accuse you of things and say all kinds of things about you falsely don't react! Step back and allow God to elevate you. He rewards those who handle mistreatment without retaliation. So relax and rejoice! Trust that your day is coming! God has seen your mistreatment and will not let it go! God knows how to protect His people. If you haven't read the story of Joseph in the Bible it's worth your time.

Each of these three things are huge assets to you and I if we will learn to harvest them. None of these benefits seem worth the pain while our enemy attacks us but afterwards we have huge potential for growth. Assimilate those painful lessons learned into your thinking and don't allow your painful experiences to shut you down! God Bless!

Forged

Before modern warfare came about, wars were always fought with weapons that were forged by a blacksmith. They weren't mass produced in some factory but were hand crafted by a skilled expert. The metal was taken, heated to extreme temperatures, and then pounded into shape. After the metal was shaped as desired, it was then plunged into water to rapidly cool the metal. It was locked into shape to serve the one who wielded it.

God, the master blacksmith, uses the experiences we go through to transform us into a mighty tool in His hand. We just have to let Him complete His work on us. Our experiences and how well we deal with them forge us into the people we become.

Luckily, God is the most skilled at shaping us. He has an eternity of experience. In order to shape us He has to turn up the heat in our lives. Why? Because it's the only thing that will melt our stubborn wills into obedience.

When things are great, we often feel we have no need to seek His advice, His ways, or His plan. So He turns up the heat in hopes that our stubbornness and our pride will conform like steel.

Many times God has sought to turn a person into a weapon in His arsenal but the person would not conform, would not bend, and would not relinquish control.

I wish I could tell you that I always respond well to critics, tragedy, and frustrations thrown my way but I don't want to lie to you. Sometimes I'm not sure if I write these blogs to help others or for my own therapy.

Sadly we cannot choose our circumstances. It would be nice if we could make every day problem free, make the sun shine, the weather perfect, and all our relationships perfectly healthy but we can't. God made it that way on purpose though. He purposely put us in a place where we have to face unpleasantness. This is the environment that wills are broken, hearts are healed, and lives get transformed. There is no shortcut.

Circumstances and how we respond to them change us. It's sort of like a dog who was rescued from an abusive owner. Sometimes, the dog might will crouch down in front of men if a male owner hit him. Sometimes it might growl and stand alert because his traumatic experiences hard wired his brain into thinking that men are evil. The trauma changed him. That's what all of our circumstances and experiences do to us-they have a positive or a negative impact on us depending on how we handle it.

Now over time if the male owner were to treat the dog with love and care the dog can gradually come to trust men again. Likewise if we recognize the heart and intent of the Master we can trust His actions.

Do not despair because all of the grief you endure and all of the junk that goes on in your life today is for another purpose tomorrow. If we will trust the heart of the Blacksmith the heat you go through will not seem all that hot. You will be forged into something mighty that no other human can offer!

Outlive your life

The older I get the more I become increasingly aware that my time on earth is short. The Bible describes our entire life as but a vapor- here one moment and gone the next. Lately I've been  wondering what my legacy will be.

When I was younger and more self-centered I used to assume that the world might pause for a moment when I finally leave this earth. Now that I'm older and a bit more seasoned I realize that the vast majority of people who lived before us are completely forgotten about. All that remains of most is a slab of stone with some dates on it.

There are about a million articles written about living life to the fullest and making the dash between your birthdate and death worthwhile. While I agree with that, I'd like to turn your attention instead to focusing on the years after you are gone. I'm talking about your legacy. I'm talking about what you leave behind.

Every person says they want to be remembered but few ever stop to think about how that can be done. When we're gone no one will care how we dressed, what we drove, what neighborhood our house was in, or how much we made per year. The things we typically fill our minds and hearts with every day don't even matter in the grand scheme of things.

So what does matter? What kinds of things can we do to make an impact on this world long after we are gone? I jotted down a few things.

1. Come up with a world changing invention
2. Trigger an important event
3. Be exceptionally talented above all others
4. Get a platform with a large public audience

I suppose most if not all the people who ever read this will not fall into one of those four categories. Luckily, there are other ways of outliving your life that almost anyone can do. Try these for example:

1. Train up the next generation to follow God.
If you want to know the future of society visit a public school. They are our future. This is why there is always a battle for what is taught in our schools. What we fill our childrens heads with today will manifest itself tomorrow. That can be a scary thought.

You may not be able to take on an entire school board but you can make a difference in the lives of the little ones you have contact with. The Old Testament was absolutely clear that the ways of God must be taught to each upcoming generation. This is not the job of the school board! It'd be nice if they could reinforce good values and morals but don't hold your breath waiting for it to happen.

2. Write
How do you speak to someone in a future generation to come who you will never get a chance to meet? Make video recordings and bury them in the Anarctic ice? Maybe but there aren't many flights headed that way- fyi

We could do it the same way Biblical authors and Jews did thousands of years ago-write. Writing thoughts down on paper can enable you to speak directly to people you will never have an opportunity to meet in person.

If I could challenge the church with one thing in which they could bring about change for years to come it would be to write. We need authors, screen writers, and script writers with a willingness to flood our land with the positive good news of Jesus Christ.

3. Focus on actions that have an eternal value
Anytime you have a part in planting a seed of faith or explaining the good news of the gospel you ARE making an eternal impact. Anytime you stop running the rat race and start producing works for eternity you are making an eternal impact. Whenever you help those who cannot help themselves nor pay you back, you are making an eternal impact.

We have been called to stand out and be a shining light in our dark world. The question we must ask ourselves is how bright are we shining?

If we never stop to think about the things that are most important-eternal things, what was the purpose of our being here? If we live for ourselves, when we die we leave it all behind. If we live in the light of eternity our actions will live well beyond our time on planet earth.

Deeply Rooted

I recently wrote an article about things that keep us from going deeper in our relationships, (Friendship blockers), so I think it's only natural that we discuss what makes existing relationships blossom  into lifelong connections, (Or friendship builders)

The relationships that we have now and will have in the future all will have a certain depth to them. Close relationships are like live oaks and accquaintences are more like water oaks. This is the part where you say, "Stephen will you please tell us the difference between the two?". Of course I will.

Deep, lasting relationships. They're kind of like a fully grown live oak tree. Live oaks can live for hundreds of years. Part of the reason they live so long is that for all of the mass of their trunk you can see, there is an equal amount of roots underground that supports and sustains the tree generation after generation. The deep root system soaks up an enormous amount of moisture that's needed to sustain all of it's giant limbs, branches, and leaves. This root system also keeps the tree from toppling over in high winds.

This is similar to our inner circle of friends. Our inner circle, or "pit crew" as I call it, will to a large degree affect how well we thrive. The better the support system the better it's ability to sustain us through all of life's turbulent times.

Too often our friendships are like the water oak trees. Although they both come from the same family, water oaks and live oaks are very different. Water oaks typically don't make it past 100 years old. This is a short lifespan in the realm of oaks. The reason for the shorter lifespan is simple, water oaks take on water that rests in the trunk which in turn causes the tree to rot from the inside out. What looked like a beautiful tree was actually dying on the inside for years before finally causing the death and collapse of the entire tree.

So in our relationships what are those things that differentiate our inner circle of true friendships from the short lived ones? What are the qualities that will make our relationships like the Live Oak?

1. Loyalty
Loyalty is something that is proven over time and cannot be forced. Real friends stick up for each other to the end. When their friend is in a pickle they've always got their back. (This is turning into a country song).

2. Laughter
Every one of my close friends have this in common, they could each recall a different story where we were crying from laughing so hard at something. As we build a portfolio of memories together, we begin to see the hilarity of everyday occurences.

3. Listening
At any time, my 'bros' that I would consider part of my inner circle could be called up if I needed them and would lend a listening ear. Ever have one of those friends who unload all of their problems on you while you patiently listen but the moment you have something to share with them they want to end the conversation? Yeah, don't be 'that guy'.

4. Looks
(Sorry, I needed a word that started with 'L"). What I'm referring to is that close friends know how to decipher each others many looks and mannerisms. They know the 'real' (insert your name). We all have a 'public me' and a 'private me'. There's nothing wrong with that. Even Jesus had a few disciples that He let see the more personal side of Himself on occasion. In a public setting I may say, "Wow Mrs. Smith this pie sure is like nothing I've tasted before" and based on how I said it my inner crew know that in my head I'm thinking, "That's the nastiest thing I've ever eaten in my life. I think I might vomit." Close friends know what each other is probably thinking.

5. Leaning
This is a bit different than mere listening. The idea here is that real friends lean on each other when life throws a curveball their way. It's not just about listening to problems and offering up advice. Sometimes when people hurt you just need to be there even if there are no words that can fix or soothe.True friends are there when needed. Acquaintenances are not. True friends will sacrifice their own happiness if needed to help out a true friend. They don't find excuses, they find a way.

Even though it's hard to find friends who actually do all these things, that doesn't have to stop you from offering that kind of friendship to those you come into contact with. There will always be people beaten down by life who need a good samaritan to show them what it's like to be treated with love, dignity, and respect. That's the guy I want to be.

The Walls We Build

It has been said that when we die the people who attend our funeral that were true lifelong friends can be counted on one hand. I believe that is a true statement. It's crazy to think that if we are lucky enough to last 75-100 years on this earth we will only find a handful of people that were with us through thick and thin.

Why is our journey filled with so many relationships that never move to a deeper level?   I'm not sure I know the answer to that but I have three guesses as to why people don't develop deeper relationships and build walls instead:

1. No need for extra relationships
Some people already have a large support group and have no interest in adding to their group. They aren't interested in adding your or my name to their list of supporters. Also, there can be a mindset that more people in their inner circle increases the chances of a phony friend. I'm not sure if this is true but even Jesus had one in His inner crew.

2. Fear
Some people have been burnt in the past and are very protective of getting burnt again. Nothing wrong with this, I think people should have to earn the right to deserve your trust. Fear is never a good thing though, especially if it hinders us from nourishing our God-given need for others. Walls that we construct to keep out enemies can also keep us from needed friendships if we're not careful.

3. Lack of trust
Let's face it, not everyone on planet earth has your best interest in mind. Some people will use everyone around them as a stepping stone. Some people will gladly throw you under the proverbial bus, change the context of what you said, lie about you, and more in order to get ahead (So they think).

I suppose there are other individual factors as well such as personality, social class, sense of humor (Or lack thereof) which affect developing friendships. For myself, I don't believe one could ever have too many friends. I can't imagine a time where I would be unfriendly to someone because my friend count had "capped"

Although I've been burnt by plenty of people in my lifetime, I refuse to be fearful and neglect to reach out. In some ways, learning to love other people will teach us to conquer our fears and reach out. It requires a certain vulnerability to listen to another person, experience their pain, and risk being burnt one more time.

So that's my take on relationships. You may agree or disagree with it but I do believe regardless of your views you have to know that the relationships you develop during your time here on earth are what really make it worth living. Especially your relationship with the one Friend who would never do you wrong.

So learn to trust, strive to reach out, and be a friend to someone who needs you! God Bless!

The Beautiful Mess

This world is a mess! The Earth itself is a very beautiful place full of beautiful things but one species in particular creates all of the ugliness on it. That would be us in case you were about to blame the pigeons.

It reminds me of the transition most every young couple goes through when they have their first child. As newly weds many times the focus is on acquiring new things, cars, houses, etc. and looking nice. That all changes with the arrival of their first baby. At first, it's extremely nerveracking and disgusting when that baby begins vomiting and everything else all over all their nice stuff. But by the time that baby is a toddler usually the parents have accepted the fact that it comes with the territory.

In some ways, I love to visit a couples house that is littered with baby toys than a house that is kept as spotless as a museum. When I see a bunch of chaos created by babies I instantly feel a connection that every parent has experienced. It's a sign of life, activity, and love. It's a beautiful mess!

This is similar to our world. Originally, it was wonderful, amazing, and perfect. But with the introduction of man it didn't take long before things got a little messy. When you insert imperfect people that each have a will of their own, agendas can collide and things can get, well, a bit messy!

What's interesting to me is the way messiness gets handled. Many times people attack the faults of others and judge their sin. Most people do this when they've lost sight of the ugliness of their own sin. I cannot call people names, label them, slap a scarlet letter to their chest and humiliate them when I keep sight of my own faults and failures. There's simply no room for it! "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."

I cannot have a "You made your own bed now sleep in it" mentality and truly love people. Every person who is successful has had a "pit crew" behind them at some point encouraging them and picking them up. No person reaches the top or becomes anything for that matter without a support system.

So the question you must ask yourself is who are you pulling up? You're either pulling up or putting down. Remember, the way we treat others will be directly proportionate to the way we deserve to be treated.

This world is such an imperfect place but if we can fill it with people who are filled with the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ it can be one giant beautiful mess!

Bringing down the Giant

I love the story of David and Goliath! In fact, who doesn't? A massive warrior spewing out blasphemies and smack talk taken down by a little shepherd boy with a sling who happened to be in the area. I think we all love to hear stories about the underdog winning despite all the odds stacked against him.

I believe that every person has a giant of some sort in their lives. Each of us struggle with some kind of unhealthy habit or sin that continually beats us up and leaves us for dead. How is it that in relation to the 'giants' in our lives, we can experience defeat after depressing defeat?

I believe that we struggle with these things because they get rooted into our hearts and minds so deeply that it's not just that it's hard to remove but it's hard to even identify sometimes. Have you ever done something stupid more than once and you knew it was stupid before you did it but you did it anyway? Some things are rooted in us as thought processes, patterns, or coping mechanisms and we do them without understanding why.

I'd like to share with you how to break free from these things. After applying some of these things in my life. I've seen some chains that bound me for years break away.

1. Calculate the cost of your habit

I think the first step in defeating the giants in our lives is realizing what keeping your habit is actually costing you in terms of time, happiness, money, intimacy and companionship, good health, or a host of other things.

2. Get angry enough at your habit to meet it in battle one more time.

Sometimes the problem we run into with habits is they have been a part of our lives for so long. We may have waged war against it many times in the past already and lost. Because of this we might even downplay the cost the giant has had on us. We might just toss it up as a weakness we have and accept it's existence in our lives as part of who we are. But if we are going to get rid of it, we have to make it our enemy all over again. We have to recognize it for the life-stealing, joy-sucking, leech that it is. When we get angry enough at the giant and tired enough of how it makes us feel and what it has stolen from us-this is the beginning.

3. Plan your attack

How do you eat an entire elephant? One bite at a time. Big giants and big controlling habits intimidate us. We look at their size and run away like a dog with his tail tucked between his legs. But you can defeat anything given enough time if you can break it down into steps.

Many times we fail because the thought of fighting the giant seems like such an insurmountable task. "Give up tobacco?" One might say, "Impossible, I can't go one day without it much less a lifetime". This is why you must ignore what you will do in the future and focus only on right now. You have to set a goal for today and only worry about today. Thoughts of long term resistance will most likely lead to failure but today, I can kick that habits tail today!

Set your goal for a short term victory. For instance, "I WILL NOT drink today". Anyone can defeat anything if they only have to do it for a short time. Determine what your reasonable threshold is and dont be afraid to challenge yourself! Big giants are taken down by breaking them down into small steps and hacking away at them bit by bit.

4. The pledge

The truth is, all of us have the ability to resist anything and everything we want to if we know the Lord. We simply need a motive to activate that resistance. For instance, if I put a gun to your head and said "Stop eating doughnuts or I'm gonna blow your brains out!", most would suddenly find the power within to not take another bite. It's because a motive to stop was supplied. Now setting goals to quit is not enough. In my experience accountability groups are not enough. What you need is divine help that only comes from God.

In my car salesman days I once sold a car to an addiction specialist. We began discussing his career and he told me the overwhelming majority of his patients that find success in overcoming addictions and habits believe and rely upon the help of a higher power. He said it is the one branch of western science that actually acknowledges the influence of Divine help.

If you want to see that giant fall this year you're gonna have to ask for help from above. The truth is God requests of us over and over again to purify our lives. He is more than eager to help. He's very likely been waiting on you to ask for a long time.

Making a pledge to God is serious business. You don't break a pledge to God. This is why we have to make sure we are up to the task when we make our pledge. We have to make sure we are biting off a bite we think we can handle. A pledge to God would sound something like this,

"God I am sick and tired of....... God I don't want to ........ anymore. I believe you dont want me to..... anymore. Lord I pledge to you that for the next ....... I will not do this. I am asking for your power to help me. I am asking that you steer me away from temptation. I am asking that as a result of me ridding my life of this sin or habit that you would bless me beyond measure. Amen!

After you complete your first pledge successfully you will find a sense of confidence over your giant and this is the beginning of you controlling your habit. But it doesn't end there. You have to create another pledge slightly more ambitious than the first.

I wish I could tell you that it ends there-that you will never be tempted in that manner again but I can't. What I can promise you is that you will learn how to control your habit more easily. It will no longer hold power over you as before. I believe we all are hard wired to be prone to certain sins but this does not mean we have to obey them. To the contrary, we can learn to use them to our advantage.

Are you ready to declare victory? Sharpen your swords for 2015. You have some giants to obliterate! Do it for God and do it for YOU!